Review: Have Wormhole, Will Travel by Tony McFadden

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Publisher: Smashwords
Publishing Date: November 2013
ISBN: 9781491272015
Genre: Scifi
Rating: 3.0/5.0

Publisher Description: Vampires? No Such Thing. Aliens, though, that’s something else. They’ve been here, living quietly among us, since before the Industrial Revolution. Their goal: To ensure we never leave our Solar System. We have a bad habit of wiping out indigenous populations, and theirs is the nearest inhabited planet to ours. So when a scientist at Sydney University harnesses the power of wormholes, making interstellar travel a virtual walk in the park, one of these tall, pale-skinned aliens, Callum, is forced to choose: destroy us, or help us survive the inevitable Armageddon. 8 billion Earthlings, and our survival is in the hands of one guy – alien – meant to wipe us out.

Review: This novel had some funny moments, specifically some of the banter between Mandy, Jackie and Sabs. But that is pretty much as interesting as this novel gets. When I think Wormhole travel and eclectic friends, I don’t expect to get mired on earth, debating string theory, dark matter and cold fusion. Plus the tired relationship interactions. zzzzzzzz. People want to travel, especially in their minds if the story sets itself up to be that transport vehicle.

Ok, premise time. So we have two aliens that look human, residing on Earth for the last 400 years to stop the advent of wormhole travel and other perceived destructive technologies that may arise to threaten their home planet. Mmmmm. Well, if you’re here for 400 years and can’t figure out that wormholes are centuries, if not millennia away then you have no right to the technology yourselves. So, once you determine that a civilization on any alien world possesses the means or understands wormhole travel, then they get fried with re-directed Gamma rays from a formed wormhole, in order to stamp out the inter-galactic threat. Anyone else see the problem with this logic? So these two aliens, Callum and Jacob help technology along and also thwart developing new tech if it may pose a threat. So if their species waits around for the inevitable development of wormhole theory, then summarily wipes that species out, then it would stand to reason that ANY ALIEN SPECIES WITH SUFFICIENT TECHNOLOGY COULD DEVELOP WORMHOLE THEORY. So, wouldn’t they just wipe out any species with any tech in order to save time and personnel??? Why wait? See that is the big elephant in the room or gorilla. If a species is threatened enough to monitor another species with an eradication pogrom in place, then they would just wipe them out, regardless of any reason. But noooooooo, our intrepid good hearted alien heroes decide to save humanity by re-directing the gamma rays back to their HOME PLANET. WTF? Well so much for patriotism or, er planetriotism, er….

Some other issues with this novel involve some of the characters like Jackie. See, Jackie is this VERY HOT jock chick (and knows it), that is an expert in martial arts (Wushu Pork Fung Koo) and finds that alien men turn her on, but doesn’t believe her PhD boyfriend that he has invented a wormhole. Got it? I don’t. Anyway, he talks down to her, she calls him crazy and the next instant she is going to go all martial arts on his ass. And after she kicks his ass, she is going to tell everyone on campus that she did. Wow, nice. So, your boyfriend is a geek, you don’t believe what he says, you don’t like how he says it, and you bully him with threats. Not only does Jackie crow about how hot she is, and how much she would like to have alien cock in her mouth (really it says that) but likes to bully people weaker than her. What a fucking POS character. Why is it when authors try to imbue woman with determined traits, always default to some physical prowess in martial arts coupled with an attitude to use it in every instance. The other POS character is Mandy, whom is the resident slut. She gets it: up ways, down ways and side ways, and boy is that fucking endearing or what? No. I find women and men whom copulate indiscriminately to not be “fun”, “funny”, “witty” or “endearing”. The author promulgates this weird adolescent culture and ascribes it to burgeoning adults. It is just too fucking weird for words.

Why does this rate 3 stars? The writer is good. His prose and flow are exceptional. What lacks is his logic path coupled to character and story line development. The creative awareness that comes with good scifi was lacking. I think the author, in order to pander to a specific audience (person) crafted a novel based on someone else’s idea. I think some relative asked repeatedly “Dad, you should really create a novel based on wormholes and alien watchers and the subsequent calamity that could ensue should we discover this technology before humanity is ready. Have it set on a university campus and include my bullying, egotistical and slutty friends as characters..” Not to mention the myopic, uncoordinated and geeky PhD character.

The cover art is pretty cool. I like the 2D effect. LOL!

Premise holes, character holes and slut holes. What is wrong with having a threat to earth, but getting the FUCK OFF OF EARTH in order to explore the universe for a solution. Nope, we are in Australia and that’s where we are going to stay. The aliens transport back in to a secure room on their home planet to give reports, and that’s it folks.

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One thought on “Review: Have Wormhole, Will Travel by Tony McFadden

  1. Thanks Koeur. I read a lot of words in this review, but for some reason have fixated on “The writer is good. His prose and flow are exceptional.” Much obliged.

    (I’d categorise this as a very soft sci-fi, by the way. Future installments may get off Earth. If there are any future installments. I’m heading back to crime-fiction for awhile.)

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