Review: Board Stiff by Piers Anthony

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Publisher: Premier
Publishing Date: December 2013
ISBN: 9781624670855
Genre: Fantasy
Rating: 1.5/5.0

Publisher Description: Welcome to the 38th story in the land of Xanth, where one learns to be careful what they wish for…
Irrelevant Kandy is beautiful, charming and every man’s desire—that’s the problem. Kandy finds a pond and upon studying her awe inspiring reflection: lustrous midnight hair, slim and supple waist and large dark eyes set in a classically perfect face, she wishes to be different. Candy is “bored stiff” with being a woman that every man wants! She wants action, adventure, travel and to see the world. Candy’s wish seems to be answered when the magic wishing well responds by sending a powerful whirlwind to lift her up, strip her and transform her entire being and drops her on the ground where she falls flat on her face—literally.

Review: This was one of the most painful reading experiences I have ever had. A fantasy novel, set in the land of puns. Recognizing that puns by nature are extremely nauseating in there use as a comedic vehicle, the author creates this hideous pun-novel that is neither creative nor funny. It is like hanging out with my Dad (whom was born in the early 1930’s) wherein the use of puns is deemed a gift of great proportions. ITS NOT! ITS NOT FUNNY!!! ITS NOT INTERESTING! Whoa there, sorry, had a flashback moment.

I really liked the beginning of this novel, what with the wishing pool and some of the character development. Then we run into another problem with this novel. There was a constant use of the female form as a story-line vehicle and sub-plot. Page after freakin’ page was of this Basilisk, turned hottie human, whose dress goes translucent when it drops a sequin, then starts a new “event”. Sequins of Events….get it? BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!…..fug…… Anyway, this play on the female form is relentless and sadly, demeaning. Every woman in the novel has this great bod whom constantly reveals her panties to the detriment of the surrounding men, where they immediately go blank and dumb like rutting Bucks in a field of does. There is this constant play between the characters of a perverse nature with no evident consummation. Piers Anthony strikes me as a severe reprobate verging on the perv.

This novel wears on you real fast. And as a bonus, it is extremely long. The cover art really sucks. A frickin’ stone well with toadstools. Really? That’s the best you got? .

Please skip this novel. For yourself, your sanity and your dignity.

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