Review: The Dragons of Heaven by Alyc Helms

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Publisher: Angry Robot

Publishing Date: June 2015

ISBN: 9780857664341 

Genre: Fantasy

Rating: 1.5/5

Publisher Description: Street magician Missy Masters inherited more than the usual genetic cocktail from her estranged grandfather. She also got his preternatural control of shadow and his legacy as the vigilante hero, Mr Mystic. Problem is, being a pulp hero takes more than a good fedora and a knack for witty banter, and Missy lacks the one thing Mr Mystic had: experience. 

Review: This read like a rabid weasel seeking frenetic copulation with a pinecone.  Do they need a new editor at Angry Robot? Someone to infuse some sense of logical progression?

Missy Masters is a girl but you will continued to be confused as the character goes from guy to girl and back. Then it is revealed that she is a she who can make herself up real good with shadows and shjt. The novel hops around from “Then” to “Now” in a contorted temporal twister. Within each “Event” or chapter is this confusing mélange of characters and spastic scene progression. It gets worse as the author seeks to impart her own brand of social commentary  with the tried and true liberal shtick of “It’s for the greater good”. Which is code for, “If you don’t think like us you’re evil”.

So Missy er Mystic or Lieng Shi Fu Quan Whu, goes back to “Then”, to be trained by a Dragon God who used to train her grandfather in the ways of guy on guy sex. Then for some reason Missy gets the hots for Dragon boy and he of course reciprocates cause she’s so hot and frustrating. And then “BAM” she is pregnant with twins. Huh?

This was an excruciatingly long read that lacked character and scene development of the cogent sort and world building that fails to capture the imagination by limiting descriptive detail. Missy is a one dimensional character that was built separate to her ongoing experience i.e. movement. 

Get this book if you’re planning a root canal. The pain will fail in comparison.

 

 

 

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