Review: Ancient Shadows by Joanne Pence

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Publisher: Quail Hill

Publishing Date: April 2015

ISBN: 9780692415757 

Genre: Fantasy

Rating: 1.5/5

Publisher Description: Archeologist Michael Rempart finds himself pitted against ancient demons and modern conspirators when a dying priest gives him a powerful artifact–a pearl said to have granted Genghis Khan the power, eight centuries ago, to lead his Mongol warriors across the steppes to the gates of Vienna.

Review: “Enter the Pearl!!!”.  I almost threw up laughing so hard. Only this was not a comedy. This novel follows a very formulaic script in another Dan Brown-esque attempt at a movie deal. 

Rich, rumpled, kung fu master, NATGEO presenter and banger of Hollywood starlets, Michael D-bag, has stumbled his way into a demonic presence that resides in a red pebble that was once guarded by an ancient sect of Christians somewhere on the Silk road. Add in a computer genius that can hack into anything, anywhere (Deus ex), Kato and an FBI psycho-consultant (that can tell when anyone lies) and you have another dismal archeological thriller.

See 5 navy guys are in Egypt and they somehow get tied to a demonic presence that makes them all richer than Solomon after a night of fugging black foxes and each other in a tent. Sound stupid? It gets dumberer. Father bro-man happens upon the guy that possesses the red pearl and accidentally kills the little shit and rifles his dead body for nick nacks. Sound like a priest? He finds a picture of the 5 navy porn stars, puts 1 and infinity together and is now the guardian of the pearl, rock/ amalgam/ philosophers stone. He then bequeaths guardianship to Mikey. Yay.

The characters were flat as their personalities didn’t change much during the movement through much of the novel. The scenes were stilted with patterned dialogue that also contributed to the characters flatness. Not much in the way of entertainment imho. Get this if you like screaming babies.

 

 

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2 thoughts on “Review: Ancient Shadows by Joanne Pence

  1. That sucks! Hopefully you’ll like the next one better.

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