Review: Evelina and the Time Pirates by R.A. Donnelly

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Publisher: RA Donnelly

Publishing Date: October 2014

ISBN: 9781500552985

Genre: Fantasy

Rating: 1.2/5

Publisher Description: Evelina Crimm just wants to be normal. She has her life planned, until she spends summer vacation with two crazy Aunts and discovers she’s a Water Witch. Soon things get a little freaky and she’s living a double life, slinging hash during the week and dodging black magic spells every weekend. Not to mention a certain mysterious warlock she can’t seem to stay away from.

Review: Evelina is, you guessed it, extra-extra super speshul. She goes from schoolgirl orphan to super-witch in a summer at her aunties witch cottage. Ok, forget the story-line for now. Lets talk about for whom this was written for. YA/Teens. I am pretty positive that YA’s would more than likely be insulted with the actions and dialogue of this novel. Take for instance her insta-love for Frankie the Magic Pirate. Page after page of descriptive like how his golden eyes tug deep inside of her and his glistening chest and tanned body. All the while her heart or stomach does flip-flops and her cheeks turn hot. 

The scenes within gradually succumb to this Disney-esque scene progression where the fantastical and serious become comedy. For instance their lives are threatened at one point and the bullet fired becomes a stinging butt missile with a mind of its own that chases the shooter away while stinging him in the ass. HARDY! HAR! HAR!!!!!! Fug. 

This read like a childrens book with a horny 17 year old witch trying to get banged by a 20 year old. So kinda inappropriate. Read this if you happen to get tossed in coach sitting next to a farting sociology major.

 

 

 

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