Review: The Coming by Joe Haldeman

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Publisher: Open Road

Publishing Date: December, 2000

ISBN: 9781504039581

Genre: SciFi

Rating: 1.0/5

Publishers Description: Despite technological advancements designed to alleviate the stress of everyday life, Earth at the midpoint of the twenty-first century is plagued by environmental crisis and manmade catastrophe. Tensions among the nations of Europe bring the threat of World War III closer by the hour as their lands are also ravaged by devastating climatic upheaval, the result of centuries of unchecked ozone depletion and global warming.

Review: Sometimes I wonder where certain sayings and colloquialisms come from. Take, “Sux Ballz” for instance. We know that this is derogative in nature as implied by the usage in everyday vernacular. You wouldn’t use it when offering light opinions of descriptive happenstance, like “Suzy is skipping rope, that Sux Ballz” or ” Jimmy helped that old lady cross the street, he Sux Ballz”. Now if applied directly to an action, certain persons, myself included, might find getting our balls sucked rather enjoyable and those that are doing the ball sucking must have some level of enjoyment or are rather ambivalent about the whole ball sucking affair. I think it is strictly hetero in usage as in why would any sane male suck balls.

So where does that leave us and what has that got to do with this review?  Adam is married to Aurora Bell and likes to suck balls.  Qabil is a policeman and also likes to suck balls, specifically Adams balls. This novel sucked balls. One reviewer put it best, that there is this annoying revolving point of view that changes from chapter to chapter. Personally I think that this should have been a novel about sucking balls around cups of coffee. Every chapter is riddled with referents to coffee. Getting it, pouring it, tasting it, evaluating it, meeting around it, leaving it, picking it up, swirling it, mixing it, ordering it and describing it in infinite detail. Cafe’ con leche (espresso mixed with scalded milk) is repeatedly pandered about in smug fashion.

I really think this was a story about the author and his wife. Smart, hot professor and genius-composer-musician-war vet-ball suckler. Every chapter is this boring rendition of everyday occurrences with some weirdly inserted action that makes no sense to the storyline. The ending let’s you really know that you wasted the last few hours of your life.

A good read while getting your balls sucked.

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5 thoughts on “Review: The Coming by Joe Haldeman

  1. 😂😂😂
    You’re on fire with recent reviews.
    By the end of the book did coffee started tasting like balls?

  2. LOL! That’s a great idea. I should have inserted something like “ballz over coffee in place of donuts”.

  3. :’). So they replaced teabagging with ‘dunking donuts’ now? I like how the title makes sense now after reading your review. And throwing in some feministic bullshit: why would any sane female suck balls?! 😉

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